Well it has been a long time since I posted anything. I will never be a habitual blogger. However, since it has been many months I decided to blog about our adoption thus far. Parenting a child with characteristics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has been a difficult process. It has been tough to really share what things have been like for Jada and for our family since her adoption. Most people cannot understand what we are talking about when we describe Jada's behavior because she is a gem in public. Everyone loves her and she gets nonstop attention. People comment on how well she is adjusting simply because they see her acting engaged with them. She will be extra cute, flirty, and often raises up her arms for whomever to pick her up. It can be extremely frustrating when there is manipulation and rejection of a parent or sibling in the home happening at the same time (along with a plethora of emotional issues.) For whatever reason, this is one of the major markings of a child with RAD. I have 3 other children and I used to think I knew how to parent. I have no idea how to parent Jada. I second guess myself all the time and many times end up doing the exact opposite of what I would have done for my biological children. What I do know is that parenting her the same way I parented my other children does not work. I feel at a loss many times. I am thankful for friends (sister-in-law Michelle especially), who don't try and give me advice but who will pray over me. So thankful. I cling to James 1 in asking God for wisdom in the trials. I try and remember the trauma and loss Jada has experienced are so much greater and more important than my frustration. I remind myself of the growth she has shown (she squealed happily this past week while running to the door "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!!!!", and also that same day allowed Jordan to carry her without screaming). But most of all I am reminded that God has brought her into our lives to love her the way He has so GRACIOUSLY loved us, that He laid His life down of his own will for us when we were unlovable. I'm learning how to lay my life down every day.
Friday, August 29, 2014
Well it has been a long time since I posted anything. I will never be a habitual blogger. However, since it has been many months I decided to blog about our adoption thus far. Parenting a child with characteristics of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) has been a difficult process. It has been tough to really share what things have been like for Jada and for our family since her adoption. Most people cannot understand what we are talking about when we describe Jada's behavior because she is a gem in public. Everyone loves her and she gets nonstop attention. People comment on how well she is adjusting simply because they see her acting engaged with them. She will be extra cute, flirty, and often raises up her arms for whomever to pick her up. It can be extremely frustrating when there is manipulation and rejection of a parent or sibling in the home happening at the same time (along with a plethora of emotional issues.) For whatever reason, this is one of the major markings of a child with RAD. I have 3 other children and I used to think I knew how to parent. I have no idea how to parent Jada. I second guess myself all the time and many times end up doing the exact opposite of what I would have done for my biological children. What I do know is that parenting her the same way I parented my other children does not work. I feel at a loss many times. I am thankful for friends (sister-in-law Michelle especially), who don't try and give me advice but who will pray over me. So thankful. I cling to James 1 in asking God for wisdom in the trials. I try and remember the trauma and loss Jada has experienced are so much greater and more important than my frustration. I remind myself of the growth she has shown (she squealed happily this past week while running to the door "Daddy's home! Daddy's home!!!!", and also that same day allowed Jordan to carry her without screaming). But most of all I am reminded that God has brought her into our lives to love her the way He has so GRACIOUSLY loved us, that He laid His life down of his own will for us when we were unlovable. I'm learning how to lay my life down every day.
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Kelly, as soon as I read that 'most people cannot understand what we are talking
ReplyDeleteabout" I wanted to scream "I do! I do!" I will message you our story!
Hi there! I just wanted to give you a big old hug and say hang in there! We used the same agency for our adoption which is how I got your blog address a long time ago when you were traveling. Anyways, have you read Dr. Karyn Purvis? I love her stuff and she has a ton of very valuable resources on her blog. I plan to go to her conference next year! I'm also on facebook groups for parents with children from hard places and attachment issues. Feel free to friend me on facebook(Erin Byrns-Cutts) and I will get you added! Lots of prayers and patience headed your way!
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