Home

Well, we have been home since last Wednesday.  I'm sorry my blog kindof fizzled out just when I had started it.  China was hard.  I didn't want to repeat in my blog the same things day in and day out of our difficulties, plus we were so busy and exhausted it was tough to stay on top of it.  I would love to have the beautiful story of our trip to China, and how everything went smoothly and that we had the perfect bond with our child and how everything was a dream.  Now let me start off by saying that I have been out of the country before, I have been to third world countries on mission trips, I have been to Papua New Guinea to visit my in-laws and with my 3 children in tow.  For some reason, however, China was the hardest of them all.  I felt like I was on an emotional rollercoaster pretty much the entire time.  Most of you who know me, know that I am pretty even-keeled.  But, I felt broken in China.  There were so many things going on: a 13 hour time change, staying in 4 different hotels in different cities, trying to comfort our new child while dealing with the emotions of our 3 kids adjusting to her too,  Jada resisting Luke at all costs, dealing with cultural differences, not speaking the language, different foods, and more.  There was only one night where I got more than 5 hours of sleep, and usually it was around 3-4 hours.  I think this played a huge role in my perspective.  And to be honest, I am ashamed to admit I barely opened my Bible in China.  Do I think God abandoned me because of this?  Absolutely not, but I know I was not drawing from Him and His Word as my only strength each day as I should have.  I know, too, that the devil is out to kill, destroy, and frustrate.  The Bible speaks clearly that our struggles are not against flesh and blood but of the unseen spiritual realm.  Ephesians  6: ¹² For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. ¹³ Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand."  I don't give enough credit to this verse.  A lot of days I think I can draw from my own strength and be "ready" for my day on my own.  Yes, we were busy.  Yes, we were exhausted and tired.  But, I know too that I will do the things that I count as most important no matter what my circumstances. 

Now, on to Jada.  It has been SOOOOOO good to be home.  I know Jada doesn't realize this is actually home yet, but we can now begin a regular routine which will help her to not feel so insecure and unsure about everything.  She is doing better with Luke and also the other kids.  She is hitting a lot less and I can actually put her down here and there when I need to get other things done (without her screaming).  Thank you for all who have prayed and are praying for wisdom for Luke and I.  It is so hard to know what is coddling her and what is spoiling her.  I definitely feel like I'd rather err on the side of giving her everything she needs/wants at this point.  After all, we are her 5th set of "parents" she has had.  We really have no idea what has gone on in her life......it may very well be a combination of abuse, neglect, and abandonment.  At the same time, though, it is tough to balance the time she demands with having 3 other children.  It isn't fair to them to spend all my time and energy on Jada.  While Jada is important, she is not more so than my 3 other children.  Luke, too, has felt like he's lost his wife these last 3 weeks.  I just continue to pray for God's wisdom in it all.  It is so hard for Luke not to take it personally that she isn't taking to him.  He absolutely loves children and of course we have waited anticipating getting Jada for a year.  And now she acts like she hates him.  It is a good reminder to remember the hurt behind her reaction.  It is because of a previous abandonment or hurt in her past that she is acting out.  She is just so scared of him, you just wonder what in the world happened to her.  You read book upon book in your prep through the agency on adoption and the difficulties of toddler adoption, but it doesn't ever really sink in until you are going through it.  That is the way life goes, I guess.  But, as I said in the beginning of this paragraph, she is doing better, even if bit by bit.  She usually only cries for a few minutes once Luke takes her now, and sometimes we can make the transition without any tears.  Here is one of the first pictures with Jada, and it so well portrays her resistance!

Jada is a smart little girl.  We have had her now about 2 weeks, and she has already learned how to sign "please" instead of grunting for things.  She knows and can say the words: "No, Mama, Daddy, JJ, Jordan, Jacob, Jada, more, shoe, cow, meow."  And she understands more than those words (such as "BE QUIET!")  ha ha.  Her walking is slowly getting better.  It seemed to get a lot better in China, but then kindof regressed a bit.  I have her Dr's appointment on Thursday.  I know she's a little squirt.  She only weighs 19 lbs. and all the 18-24 month clothes I bought her are way too big.  Even some 12-18 are too big for her (She's 21 months).   She is learning how to stand up from a sitting position.  This seems way delayed, and it is.  However, if you watch her trying to do this, you can see why it's hard with one arm.  She actually uses her head to help her get up, which is funny to watch.  She can't crawl with one arm, so she kindof scoots forward on her butt.  One of the first times I left her alone to go into the other room, she apparently scooted across the floor to get to me and a glass picture frame that I had setting against the wall/floor came crashing down on her.  Funny, she doesn't cry about glass being broken over her head, but screams when mommy puts her down!

Lastly, I am reminded again and again of God's great love for us.  The God of the world came to earth as a baby to save you and I from our sins and to give us abundant life through Him.  I am reminded that our adoption story is just a shadow of what God did for us.  We traveled thousands of miles to get Jada, we sacrificed a lot for her, we have already been through pain and trials with her.  How much greater was Christ's sacrifice for us in order to "adopt" us into His family??  He gave His own life for us, and how do we respond??  Are we pushing Him away, thinking we know better and that we would rather be comfortable in our old ways??  Luke and I now understand on a whole new level how Christ feels when we reject and resist His offer.  May we trust in Him, take His hand, and believe Him who keeps all His promises.  As for Jada, stay tuned, we know God's plan for Jada's story is to be continued.....